Global Warming Ate My Homework: 100 Things Blamed on Global Warming

November 17th, 2009 Nick Loris

Late for a party? Miss a meeting? Forget to pay your rent? Blame climate change; everyone else is doing it. From an increase in severe acne to all societal collapses since the beginning of time, just about everything gone wrong in the world today can be attributed to climate change. Here’s a list of 100 storylines blaming climate change as the problem.

1. The deaths of Aspen trees in the West
2. Incredible shrinking sheep
3. Caribbean coral deaths
4. Eskimos forced to leave their village
5. Disappearing lake in Chile
6. Early heat wave in Vietnam
7. Malaria and water-borne diseases in Africa
8. Invasion of jellyfish in the Mediterranean
9. Break in the Arctic Ice Shelf
10. Monsoons in India
11. Birds laying their eggs early
12. 160,000 deaths a year
13. 315,000 deaths a year
14. 300,000 deaths a year
15. Decline in snowpack in the West
16. Deaths of walruses in Alaska
17. Hunger in Nepal
18. The appearance of oxygen-starved dead zones in the oceans
19. Surge in fatal shark attacks
20. Increasing number of typhoid cases in the Philippines
21. Boy Scout tornado deaths
22. Rise in asthma and hayfever
23. Duller fall foliage in 2007
24. Floods in Jakarta
25. Radical ecological shift in the North Sea
26. Snowfall in Baghdad
27. Western tree deaths
28. Diminishing desert resources
29. Pine beetles
30. Swedish beetles
31. Severe acne
32. Global conflict
33. Crash of Air France 447
34. Black Hawk Down incident
35. Amphibians breeding earlier
36. Flesh-eating disease
37. Global cooling
38. Bird strikes on US Airways 1549
39. Beer tastes different
40. Cougar attacks in Alberta
41. Suicide of farmers in Australia
42. Squirrels reproduce earlier
43. Monkeys moving to Great Rift Valley in Kenya
44. Confusion of migrating birds
45. Bigger tuna fish
46. Water shortages in Las Vegas
47. Worldwide hunger
48. Longer days
49. Earth spinning faster
50. Gender balance of crocodiles
51. Skin cancer deaths in UK
52. Increase in kidney stones in India
53. Penguin chicks frozen by global warming
54. Deaths of Minnesota moose
55. Increased threat of HIV/AIDS in developing countries
56. Increase of wasps in Alaska
57. Killer stingrays off British coasts
58. All societal collapses since the beginning of time
59. Bigger spiders
60. Increase in size of giant squid
61. Increase of orchids in UK
62. Collapse of gingerbread houses in Sweden
63. Cow infertility
64. Conflict in Darfur
65. Bluetongue outbreak in UK cows
66. Worldwide wars
67. Insomnia of children worried about global warming
68. Anxiety problems for people worried about climate change
69. Migration of cockroaches
70. Taller mountains due to melting glaciers
71. Drowning of four polar bears
72. UFO sightings in the UK
73. Hurricane Katrina
74. Greener mountains in Sweden
75. Decreased maple in maple trees
76. Cold wave in India
77. Worse traffic in LA because immigrants moving north
78. Increase in heart attacks and strokes
79. Rise in insurance premiums
80. Invasion of European species of earthworm in UK
81. Cold spells in Australia
82. Increase in crime
83. Boiling oceans
84. Grizzly deaths
85. Dengue fever
86. Lack of monsoons
87. Caterpillars devouring 45 towns in Liberia
88. Acid rain recovery
89. Global wheat shortage; food price hikes
90. Extinction of 13 species in Bangladesh
91. Changes in swan migration patterns in Siberia
92. The early arrival of Turkey’s endangered caretta carettas
93. Radical North Sea shift
94. Heroin addiction
95. Plant species climbing up mountains
96. Deadly fires in Australia
97. Droughts in Australia
98. The demise of California’s agriculture by the end of the century
99. Tsunami in South East Asia
100. Fashion victim: the death of the winter wardrobe

And the list goes on. The truth is climate change is causing some of these events, but the earth’s average temperature has been increasing and decreasing since the beginning of time. Maybe the increase in UFO sightings can’t be pinpointed to climate change but certainly animals will adapt to new habitats as the climate changes. But climate change and adaptation to it is nothing new. There’s an underlying assumption that human activity is causing the climate to change in many of these stories, but the scientific consensus on what causes climate change is anything but a consensus. Temperatures have risen and fallen many times before and the earth was cooling as recently as the period from the 1940s to the 1970s giving rise to fears of a coming ice age:

“At the first Earth Day celebration, in 1969, environmentalist Nigel Calder warned, “The threat of a new ice age must now stand alongside nuclear war as a likely source of wholesale death and misery for mankind.” C.C. Wallen of the World Meteorological Organization said, “The cooling since 1940 has been large enough and consistent enough that it will not soon be reversed.”

The other implication of this list is that a reduction in Co2 with cap and trade policies like Waxman-Markey and Boxer-Kerry will cure problems as disparate as hurricanes, wars, crime, hunger and…cow infertility. The problem is that no one can actually claim that a reduction of Co2 will prevent these occurrences; one can only speculate that they will be worse in a world that has more rather than less Co2. Given cap and trade’s massive economic consequences and negligible effects on the earth’s temperature, this is a bold and potentially very costly speculation.

Katie Brown co-authored this post.

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  • amber3
    I believe that global warming is the biggest issue facing humanity. As it becomes a reality immigration will become an even greater challange. The right will win power on this and other related issues and continue to do little or nothing on global warming. As global warming becomes catistrophic people will blame the right, the left will regain power and the right will try to shift responsiblility for climate change on to the left. This tactic will not stick,they will lose the religious vote and eventaully as the older generation dies off and the younger generation is left to deal with the mess, You will have a hard time finding someone admitting they ever were a conservative. In the end conservatives will be remembered as the gready subborn group who ruled the 20th century with war, racism, and fear, miss managed the world resources and eventualy ruined the planet. .
  • 2bluestarmom
    Here you go Patriots. I tweeted this the other day when on twitter. Wall Street Journal picked it up now. This is BIG.

    Al Gore, is not only wrong, he lied. They all have!

    Global Warming Farce! The Wall Street Journal!

    http://tr.im/FsFk

    p.s. Most libs on here know I don't waste my time with them. That is a standing order.
  • galacticalign
    "global"fake$: warming (took "big" neolib "idol$" thru drivebybailoutmedia to global propagandize warming, and the main attack was the middle of the struggle against neolibs stop Iraq from being free without UN$addam, ayatoland, alqeda, etc...)... even tryed to relate to allied bombings, 'too hot" wheather...
    Then, blame west for the 1stworld "ending by changing direction" neolibs help terror for...
    So, I think the imbecile sodomic blondie girly bigay who seems to sleep propperly, and davidwalters imbecile look-like, you know, possibly part of the sudden incomming of kinder bunch of lilkids and STARTED ORDINARY DAYLY CLASSES A T A PUBLIC LIBRARY WHERE gralattneys, mayors and other ANAMONTES GOV POSSITION COPIES on the terror logistic santuary on soFla, noisy by the way (they have now a chorus video classes of chanting, the police look like well feeded guy and surely armed and badged, as usual system here again st anti-neolib bloggers, another pilot program of their war against anti-terror), and the just sat very close to me now, "at hand" blond tough police look like guy also well feeded, not like me, an anti-neolib Romney-Palin writer (adhonorem, as for the warS) homeless and jobless because of "I didn't wrote my acussation against cubagov and other terror govs and politicians and terror helper authorities and signed it on gralatny's or any mayor, sherif or deputy, nor paralegal or judge or "any of the jobs boss", nor any of "my" denounced parapolitical parafamily, which I USE TO GET THE anamonteses, and the rest of the 30years/old nets left "invisible"...
    If you're davidwalters "ORGainizing this gov "thing", and in front of me to show power and control, like sen tedpalpatine used to, and tought bho and the rest of the 30 years old neolib terror related networks, all programmed, with the dessire from their master beasts beneath the beasts to drag you down with them...
    They love the idea of a dino-desaster for the world who shall never bow to neolibland, ussrus, castro, chavez, ayatoland...
    why you think all these gov punishments are for?, they are punishing according thair old agendas, punishing for Bush's election&re-election records, punishments as ted used to: salaries we lower'm lower'm lower'm, taxes we rise'm rise'm rise'm... vietnamization of anything, crazy demonstrations closing congress doors, defending bho showing himself all the comunist and terror helper (ayatolas still have legal permit to nuke and oil powers while denied to America, for example of traision and terror helping in times of war...)...
    They all, neolibs and the rest of the terrorists and varieties of terror anti-God at schools because of eyer$bho programs, and bho knew eyers was a terrorist when bho was 8y/0, and bho also self declared on video his desarment of America... and more...
  • galacticalign
    easy even for neolibs or even same related deseasses like guillotine suicider bomber radical islamic pro-ayatola, hamas, etc... terrorist: when SOLAR SPOTS APPEAR THEN YOU HAVE hurricanes, and heat, and stuffs...!!!, and you can't control solarspots neather, because, as the moon moves Earth's oceanic masses, the inside of astros, those liquid mini-suns also masses are moved from far, FAR AND AWAY forces...
    and, please bailedout neoliblog$tockler$, do not replay, this message is for the site's public, for free, as only Freedomedia can bring you...
    one more before escape this gov kinder on a library, and with someone creepy mind looking like walters having kind of dade police-fasssiting weird faces before me, you see, if I can write down his/her/whatever's tag, I will, so read well, crazy spy imbecile, "nobody, not even Palin would believe me, sure"...
  • wheredidiseetheguy
    (radio noises fadding in...) ... (celestial whitewizard approaches chorusses)...:
    I, I am galacticalignment, teaching on "tittle space" as abstract self-efficency gunnery from anti-neolib/terrorassymetrics "trianguling to the actual time possitions based on the natures of us and the enemy... (radionoises fadding in... Apolo: I "don't" know what am talking about, Number 6, number S i X says letherman, a lib, so no exit strategies, from beyond enemy lines...)
    today's connection is ending, but I leave you without an exit strategy...
    keep blowing off neolib bases, may form a "natural celestial skyshows", with other small falling gov$tar$, and the rise of real ones, no-rino on the ("whatfor"?) wars conservatives, no-neolibluedog on communistic (whicholdsovietcastrotedeyers?) govplans...
    whatever, the same blodiegirlybiguy (on puiblix and coralgableshospital durring paralegal danger, yopu know, "phissycal)
    present only durring coincidental danger times momments and candidate for my opinions of just another agent I help to make visible and WHY, is the same blond whiteshirt guy when my sister was on coralgables (communistic related mayor to same lastname castro tourism radio guy, "my" sister's miamidadegovboyfriend as "my" coyote and noriega, castro related protected also by miamidade parafamily "I" have to obbey, I saw police durring the tougher times of govlegal psycotortures around any of my real bloodline family who dares to help me, by theses last 20 eyears, ted's lists of "undesseareble oppositors like me" and "small persons", not like them with trillion$ of govmoney, and the offers around, sometimes, hot women, or just food or mortgage, or gas in the tank, or just not worring for nothing anymore on paying the bills, not like "Bush's anti-terror world"... and also 'just"
    because of bho is president... just because of tedpalpatine's last will over the gov: punish America from no-conservative minds, the minds who the enemy preffers over Bush, by the way, they know neolibs and rinos are like communists and terrorists, they won't ever bomb "their friends" "like" oSama, UN(whaterrormoneyunlimmiTED?) $addam, ma noriega...
    I mean, don't we have the rights as civilians to fight terror assymetrics back?
    And why do we have to just wait paralized the arrival of the conditions to guarranty "legal santuaries" of paralegal people around as ma noriega times, you know, uniformed, judges like pedrasa by the "times by law my sister was legaly kidnapped and "my" parastepmother and other parafamily and bosses of "my" family (deep "legal bases" to anybody against me and my family, by gov, several countries, many neolib agents arrested, anamontes...)
    Believe me people of the Earth, neolibs, maffia, terror, are programming, just programs, and a magnet to the worst of any country into older creepy terror philosophies like Communism and the rest of the dictatorships, and their eyer$ and other agents they can select on govs...
    bho, you're just one of the lasts from wellcome my son to ted's machine$, of course you and your world (people willingly to join neolibs, not like my sister you send amy's your strategist brother, and then city's ahsan, who even took my sister now into... tadaa:
    (((((((((BHO USE OF GOV MONEY))))))))))) publix,winndixiemanagers,coyoteparafamily by"law"
    : my sister is now 'legaly propierty of ahsan, the 7-11 guy from the "tedland managers", acornlaweyer$ like bho, the guy who ordered "big" police guys before me to show power, and even did "my" stepmother coyote legal on miami poisonous, viagra, extasis on important days, legaly, by gralattnys and police surveillance, you know, for the quality of the punishment, and the "bases" of their dremmed long arrests and legal desseases they add to anybody's circumstances, by "law and, money funded, as statistics to enjoy having tea with ahmadeineyad or castros or zelaya or crist, or any of the self declared terror helpers from govs lists I have on their frakin systems thru their legal works on me, I have names, what, whys...
    and as programmed dangerous people, they never stop, so we won't stop waiting for them to make them visible, may there be "others" who needed a denouncing guide to bigger terror helpers on gov... you know, there are always some who resist it...
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